you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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