Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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