this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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