Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's official drugs can't kill me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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