Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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