Just fell off a train. Bad.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
