the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
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Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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