I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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