is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
