Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
