i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
