we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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