there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
