thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
