dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
