OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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