I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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