when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
