i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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