Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
