we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
