WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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