Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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