I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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