I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
