she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
