i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
