omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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