He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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