Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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