You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
