I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
