Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
