i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
