i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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