"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
