I think I died a long time ago.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
