She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
