OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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