Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
