All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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