Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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