I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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