I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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