So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
