Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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