I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize