Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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