Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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