shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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