Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
