Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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