You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
