What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
