my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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