What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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