you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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