is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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