my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
