This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
