Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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