Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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