Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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