god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
