cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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