i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
