Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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