yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
