the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
3pm strippers are depressing
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
