ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
